One of the defining features of cyberspace is the lack
of boundaries, so it's not too surprising that some of
us net marketers don't know when to shut off the machine
enjoy the lifestyles we work so hard to create.
Family and fitness suffer the most, so here are a few
tips so you don't wake up fifteen years from now with
the uneasy feeling that something important slipped
away while you weren't looking. Namely, your life.
1. The chair-bathroom-refrigerator-chair circuit
does not constitute a lap. Take a real walk,
outside perhaps, with the light and the air
and all that nature stuff.
2. Those little people running around shrieking
like demons aren't subversive agents. They're
your children, fruit of your flaccid loins.
Go introduce yourself. (TIP: Convert some
photos to flash cards and memorize their names
first. Hey, it's the little things....)
3. Around eighty-three percent of what you do as
an internet marketer is a total waste of time
resulting in absolutely no benefit whatsoever.
Remember that the next time you schedule FFA
ahead of PTA.
4. That new Abs-O-Matic machine and those "Diamond-
Cutter Buns" videos were a great idea. Now all
you need are some soiled baby clothes and a box
of eight-tracks and you can have a garage sale.
(Silly me... Ebay!)
5. That distracting light that makes your screen
difficult to read is actually the sun, giver
of life. It's okay if some of it gets on you.
6. Human warmth cannot be transmitted via ASCII
text, and fondling your mouse does not
replace physical contact. Have you hugged
your pizza delivery guy today?
7. That sack of potatoes you call a butt once had
muscles in it. The next time you're surfing
the procreation-related websites, try some
comparative analysis.
8. Tape a picture of yourself as a teenager to
your monitor. Remember skin tone? Remember your
waistline? Remember when you could tie your shoes
without grunting?
9. Living on a diet of Hotpockets and Pepsi is the
nutritional equivalent of watching a three
day Baywatch marathon. Try eating something
that was grown in soil, not Pyrex.
10. Crank up the Elvis and SHAKE IT!
